One obstacle to my learning process is my penchant for automatic, negatvie self-defeating thoughts when I practice. I am a perfectionist. There are cognitive distortions listed in David Burns' book, Feeling Good, which are variations on perfectionism and all or nothing thinking. This includes emphazising the negatives and discounting the positives and negatively labelling myself and my efforts.
Objectively, I have learned a lot on my own . Very inconsistent. However, I tend to tell myself I have wasted my efforts or don't know what the hell I am doing, especially if everything clicks for 90 percent of a range session, then falls apart in the last 15 minutes. I am 100 percent goal oriented, and don't enjoy the journey. Sweat and persistence should be its own reward. That way I don't set myself up for failure with unrealistic expectiations. Albert Ellis, inventor of REBT,calls it realistic excellence. Perfection does not exist; it's an unattainable ideal. Hey, Tiger putted a ball into the water for Chrissakes.
After all, I have never taken a lesson, especially from an AI, so why should I expect to hit it like Tiger or the snot nosed 10 year old kid next to me who outdrives me? I should stirke the ball like me. Humans make mistakes, I make mistakes, therefore I am human.
THe main technique used in Burns' CBT(cognitivebehavioral therapy) and Ellis' REBT(Rational Emotive Therapy) is to write down or identify the automatic thought or reaction, identify the distortion and replace it with a more rational response.
For example, when I shank a few times in a row, I usually tell myself(or out loud) "I suck" or a much more colorful variation. In addition, I will add in the thought that I have wasted a year of learning from the Yellow Book. Even worse, I will sometimes call myself a beeping moron or worse. THe cognitive distortions are all-or-nothing thinking, shoulds or musturbation, mental filter, disqualifying the positive, overgeneralisation and labelling.
THe more rational and realisitc responses should be
1) I don't 'suck'. I am learning and make mistakes. I am not a pro, but a beginner. DId I not see Tiger recently mishit a drive that only went 180yds? Members of this forum with decades of experience make mistakes.
2) WHere is it written that I should strike the ball consistently? Did Moses leave that out when he was on Mt SInai? Just because I practice a lot and read a lot about the golf swing doesn't mean I should consistently strike the ball. It would be nice if that were the case, but that is not the real world.
3) Let's not forget that I have had days where I struck the ball very well. So well that others have stopped what they were doing to watch me. SO this notion that I don't know what I am doing is nonsense. I am very inconsistent and lose my way. I will often regain my form and technique within a week or month at latest. Even if I don't regain my form, the process of learning and lifting the fog feels good. IT would feel better if I struck the ball wellall the time, but taking a step back, researching, learning and practicing actually does give me pleasure.
4)Now for the finale. AM I a moron?(Hey, nobody answer that!!!) How logical is it to call myself a moron if I mishit a golfball? I do MANY things well in my life. THere are some things I do very badly at also. SO what, I am human and I make mistakes. But a moron? My academic record would strongly suggest otherwise. Heck, those racist, redneck a88holes who used to p*ss on me, did so because i wasn't a moron; they were jealous of my brains, and I was a convenient scapegoat for their insecurities.
Anything you do in life (such as a single golf stroke) that comes out the way you thought it would or planned to means you dod not learn anything new. But it makes you feel good. (Or should! Hey - you know how things work so you are able to predict the future. That is a great advantage in life. Actually, the human brain is built to make people feel good about confirmations)
Anything that surprises you in life or does not come out the way the way you thought or planned is an opportunity to learn something new. It should trigger your curiosity.
so
if you cherish learning there is nothing in life to be frustrated about. You either just notice that things work the way you thought they would (which makes you feel good about your ability to predict the future) or activate your curiosity.
Don't know if it helps or not and at least for me it was not or is not easy to over come, getting down on one's self.
What I have learned or am learning (I am a work in progress) is that
a. When I hit a shot that is less than perfect, the most I will say is "Martee you can do better"
b. For shots that don't end up where they should or I think they should be I say "Okay you put it there, it could be a lot worse (sometimes hard to justify when you are in 6 inches of water and weeds are 3 feet high around you), now make the most of it. You can't get back what you have lost."
c. Practice range is the worst cause there is no rush, it is only one shot, not a series of shots and when they are not good, I try and back off, start a fresh.
Still searching the key phrase on putts left short, putts that are long, no problem, now you have seen what it will do, now you have the pace, just roll it in....
For the most part I try to frame my thoughts and comments of myself, to myself with positive words and images, try not to use don't, try not to say negative things about me, after all I am a good person, I am just not perfect so make the most of what I have.
As I said earlier it is a work in progress. It has helped to not get down on myself and this has led me not to think of mechanics during the stroke, but rather the result. I don't totally understand the last but hey, if it works, don't fix it...
Anything you do in life (such as a single golf stroke) that comes out the way you thought it would or planned to means you dod not learn anything new. But it makes you feel good.
Anything that surprises you in life or does not come out the way the way you thought or planned is an opportunity to learn something new. It should trigger your curiosity.
so
if you cherish learning there is nothing in life to be frustrated about. You either just notice that things work the way you thought they would (which makes you feel good about your ability to predict the future) or activate your curiosity.
One obstacle to my learning process is my penchant for automatic, negatvie self-defeating thoughts when I practice. I am a perfectionist. There are cognitive distortions listed in David Burns' book, Feeling Good, which are variations on perfectionism and all or nothing thinking. This includes emphazising the negatives and discounting the positives and negatively labelling myself and my efforts.
Objectively, I have learned a lot on my own . Very inconsistent. However, I tend to tell myself I have wasted my efforts or don't know what the hell I am doing, especially if everything clicks for 90 percent of a range session, then falls apart in the last 15 minutes. I am 100 percent goal oriented, and don't enjoy the journey. Sweat and persistence should be its own reward. That way I don't set myself up for failure with unrealistic expectiations. Albert Ellis, inventor of REBT,calls it realistic excellence. Perfection does not exist; it's an unattainable ideal. Hey, Tiger putted a ball into the water for Chrissakes.
After all, I have never taken a lesson, especially from an AI, so why should I expect to hit it like Tiger or the snot nosed 10 year old kid next to me who outdrives me? I should stirke the ball like me. Humans make mistakes, I make mistakes, therefore I am human.
THe main technique used in Burns' CBT(cognitivebehavioral therapy) and Ellis' REBT(Rational Emotive Therapy) is to write down or identify the automatic thought or reaction, identify the distortion and replace it with a more rational response.
For example, when I shank a few times in a row, I usually tell myself(or out loud) "I suck" or a much more colorful variation. In addition, I will add in the thought that I have wasted a year of learning from the Yellow Book. Even worse, I will sometimes call myself a beeping moron or worse. THe cognitive distortions are all-or-nothing thinking, shoulds or musturbation, mental filter, disqualifying the positive, overgeneralisation and labelling.
THe more rational and realisitc responses should be
1) I don't 'suck'. I am learning and make mistakes. I am not a pro, but a beginner. DId I not see Tiger recently mishit a drive that only went 180yds? Members of this forum with decades of experience make mistakes.
2) WHere is it written that I should strike the ball consistently? Did Moses leave that out when he was on Mt SInai? Just because I practice a lot and read a lot about the golf swing doesn't mean I should consistently strike the ball. It would be nice if that were the case, but that is not the real world.
3) Let's not forget that I have had days where I struck the ball very well. So well that others have stopped what they were doing to watch me. SO this notion that I don't know what I am doing is nonsense. I am very inconsistent and lose my way. I will often regain my form and technique within a week or month at latest. Even if I don't regain my form, the process of learning and lifting the fog feels good. IT would feel better if I struck the ball wellall the time, but taking a step back, researching, learning and practicing actually does give me pleasure.
4)Now for the finale. AM I a moron?(Hey, nobody answer that!!!) How logical is it to call myself a moron if I mishit a golfball? I do MANY things well in my life. THere are some things I do very badly at also. SO what, I am human and I make mistakes. But a moron? My academic record would strongly suggest otherwise. Heck, those racist, redneck a88holes who used to p*ss on me, did so because i wasn't a moron; they were jealous of my brains, and I was a convenient scapegoat for their insecurities.
Who do I send the 5 cents to? OR is it 10 cents?
When you feel something, like "I'm a moron..." and try to replace with a "rational response", it's a very unnatural thing to do, IMO.
The next time you make a negative comment to yourself, don't try to replace it with a rational justification. Instead just let your feelings (what your words are trying to describe) express itself. I do not mean you should accentuate your emotions , but just let it hang in the air. Do not make judgements about what feelings are bad and what feelings are good.
Just acknowledge your feelings.
Don't try and replace it with anything. Don't confirm your feelings or make encourage it. Just notice it's there and see what happens.
Soon, you should feel a certain kind of calmness that is very pleasant. This leaves you the mental resources needed to focus on the task at hand.
Using logic and rationality against your emotions clutters the mind. If you really want to think about it, do so off the course.
I hope this doesn't sound like a load of psycho-babble!
Anything you do in life (such as a single golf stroke) that comes out the way you thought it would or planned to means you dod not learn anything new. But it makes you feel good. (Or should! Hey - you know how things work so you are able to predict the future. That is a great advantage in life. Actually, the human brain is built to make people feel good about confirmations)
Anything that surprises you in life or does not come out the way the way you thought or planned is an opportunity to learn something new. It should trigger your curiosity.
so
if you cherish learning there is nothing in life to be frustrated about. You either just notice that things work the way you thought they would (which makes you feel good about your ability to predict the future) or activate your curiosity.
Tom Tomasello used to recommend that if a poor shot was struck... to say to yourself, "that's not like me." You should then dismiss the shot, and go on to the next.
He also did not believe one should think in terms of birdies, bogies, eagles, and pars. This just adds another element to one's thinking.
He gave the example of the short putt. How many times do you see people say, "I've got this for birdie," then proceed to miss the 3 footer. The same putt, if it was for bogey, might be just tapped in with no thought.
Each shot is just a shot. Process the shot at hand, then let it go.
I once took a break from golf because if I played bad it would ruin my whole day. THAT is really messed up my friends!
I have a job and a family. I don't hit balls for four hours a day. When I practice a lot, I play better. My execution is directly correlated to how much time I put in practicing.
If I miss a shot I try to challenge myself to make the recovery. This is good practice too! The better I get at recovering, the more confidence I have in my overall game.
If a bad golf round puts me in a bad mood or ruins my day then I know I'm seriously off track.
When you feel something, like "I'm a moron..." and try to replace with a "rational response", it's a very unnatural thing to do, IMO.
The next time you make a negative comment to yourself, don't try to replace it with a rational justification. Instead just let your feelings (what your words are trying to describe) express itself. I do not mean you should accentuate your emotions , but just let it hang in the air. Do not make judgements about what feelings are bad and what feelings are good.
Just acknowledge your feelings.
Don't try and replace it with anything. Don't confirm your feelings or make encourage it. Just notice it's there and see what happens.
Soon, you should feel a certain kind of calmness that is very pleasant. This leaves you the mental resources needed to focus on the task at hand.
Using logic and rationality against your emotions clutters the mind. If you really want to think about it, do so off the course.
I hope this doesn't sound like a load of psycho-babble!
No man, not psycho babble at all. I'm a hardcore perfectionist...I wanna be in the zone all the time and generally want to fullfil my full potential as much as I can. That's a really good thing in general, I just can't turn it off turn it off sometimes.
I start to engage my thinking mind and figure out everything and change myself. I'm always looking for some kind of plan with steps I can put into use when things are not going well...I just seem to have this need for regimented control. It's weird tho cause I'm prolly the most easy-going guy ever. I'm not one of those drill sergeant hardasses.
I have had to learn that engaging the thinking part of my mind will not ever solve anything or control anything...what I'm seeking is absolute control, really. All it does is get me stressed out and makes me feel like I'm even less in control.
I now just try to, like you said, acknowledge what is happening, accept it, and move on...don't even engage in thinking to try and solve the problem. Patience.
Linear Mode
